Inside Edition
by Alexis Winn
Summary: One article, a letter to the editor, and two strongheaded heroes make for some interesting bits of fun


_…so what does it matter if the man is the quintessential mystery man?  Tuxedo Mask is an utterly useless entity.  Think of about this from Sailor Moon's point of view.  She's put in danger everyday saving everyone from whatever new monster the Negaverse decides to throw at her.  She's kept constantly on her toes and always has to look out for the next big baddie.  Tux-boy, however, no one is quite sure where he goes after he's done his thing.  Frankly, I'm not really sure I know what his so-called thing is.  After all, he comes, says a stupid haiku, and leaves.  Essentially, he's nothing more than minor distraction.  Sailor Moon is the one who has to fight and kill the monster.  What's the use of Tuxedo Mask?_

**_What's the use of Tuxedo Mask?_**

_Serena Tsukino_

**_Concerning "What's the use of Tuxedo Mask?"_****__**

_…feel that he plays a rather important role in the saving of the world.  True, he is essentially a distraction, but Ms. Tsukino seems to have forgotten that fact that Tuxedo Mask is usually drawing the attention of the monster to pull Sailor Moon out of a potentially dangerous situation and giving her enough time to set up her attack.  Putting it back into that perspective, I must ask: what does Ms. Tsukino have against Tuxedo Mask?_

_Darien__Chiba___

Serena was angry, one might even say royally so.  How dared Darien Chiba, of all people, dared oppose her story?  He, who thought her insane for having had a crush on the masked man so many years ago, now defended the hero?  Of all the people in Tokyo, the last person she had expected to defend the masked man was the man who looked most like him.

How had she ever found him attractive?

It was true that she had a crush on Tuxedo Mask a few years back, but also true was that she'd finally had her fill of the situation.  After six years of fighting alone, Serena felt she deserved some support from those mysterious soldiers for whom Luna was always looking, and yet the only person she could really turn to was Tuxedo Mask, that useless man who never stuck around long enough for her to see his face, much less exchange a few words.  The other soldiers had never been found, and Serena had been stuck fighting alone.  Now 20, she had given up hope on finding the other soldiers and started to focus on her emerging anger towards the fact that the only person fighting side-by-side with her is also the one person to whom she couldn't communicate.

By the sheer grace of God, Serena had gotten into Keio University to become a journalism major, and she wanted to succeed.  For the first time in her life, Serena was finally the best at something, and she wanted to keep it that way.  It was true that Sailor Moon had helped further her credibility as a journalist thanks to Serena's ability to get the only interviews the superhero had ever given; at the same time, it was thanks to Sailor Moon that Serena hadn't been able to go to the out-of-town conferences or to go abroad to intern for some of the world's most prestigious papers.  Once upon a time, she had thought she would somehow be able to turn to Tuxedo Mask for support if the need ever arises, but having found out that he was more inaccessible than the gold in Fort Knox, Serena got angry.

Hence the reason for the article.

Darien was amused, thoroughly so.  Considering the situation, one might figure him to be angry or at least indignant.  But he wasn't.  True, the article carrying Serena Tsukino's byline had sparked his interest, but that was as far as it went.  He was just interested.  After all, he just couldn't justifiably get angry at her.  First, he found it far too amusing that she had gone from being utterly head-over-heals in love with him six years ago to this point when she questions the usefulness of his alter ego's existence.  Secondly, Darien had always secretly questioned his usefulness to Sailor Moon.  After all, it was as Serena stated.  He showed up, said some silly little haiku and disappeared into the night.  True, he was vital as a distraction, but after six years, she was competent enough to need him very little as of late.

However, as he was still Tuxedo Mask, he felt obliged to defend himself, if only to say that he was a rather vital distraction in the grand scheme of things.  Besides, knowing Serena, she'd probably get very angry knowing that it was him wrote to the editor about her article, and despite the years since the last time they've been in that arcade together, he still remembered their verbal sparring with a masochistic fondness.  

The last he saw her was about four years ago.  During the first two years of her high school career,   Serena still came to see Andrew on a regular basis, missing her "big brother" and her Sailor V game.  However, as school became more intense, her visits grew less and less.  Meanwhile, Darien's life grew more and more hectic.  He had originally harbored hopes of going abroad to study, but the Negaverse kept interfering with his plans.  Despite intellectually knowing that Sailor Moon could most likely take care of herself, Darien still didn't feel right leaving.  He had come to term it the "Knight in Shining Armor" complex.

However, having to stay had a devastating effect on Darien.  He started pulling away from his friends and society, not seeing the use.  After all, for as long as the Negaverse and Sailor Moon remain, he couldn't hope to retain any semblance of a normal life.  So Darien figured why bother?  Having been called out of more than a few dates, he'd had his fill.  Why bother with life as Darien when Tuxedo Mask kept calling?

Despite all that, though, Darien still felt oblige to defend Tuxedo Mask.  Why?  Well, thanks to the masked man's interference, Darien's social life was now rather lacking.  Take away the mask and what have you left in its place?  Even Darien himself didn't know the answer anymore.

Hence the reason for the letter.

Keio's Tokyo campus was in disarray.  To say that the students were confused would be to understate the matter.  The student body was equally divided – one part was thrilled that the truth about Tuxedo Mask was finally revealed; the other was horrified that anyone could see such a hero in such an unfavorable light.  While it was fact that this division was mainly between those of the male and female sex, the truth remained that the student body was divided.

Serena's notoriety had skyrocketed.  Where before she was the campus' favorite journalist, now her name remained linked with the legendary article, and ironically enough, also with that of Darien Chiba.  Yet where Serena was amused by the entire ordeal, Darien was highly irked.  It wasn't enough that he had this unholy obsession with the girl; he now had to be forever linked to her as well.

"Keio Times.  Serena Tsukino speaking!"

"How could you?  Do you know that no one on this campus will ever again mention my name or talk to me without bringing up your name as well?"

"Who is this?"

"Who do you think, Serena?  You couldn't have been linked to that many men recently that you can't figure out who I am."

"Oh.  Darien.  How are you?"

"Why are you so calm?  You do realize that our names are going to be linked forever now?  Or at least for the next few years until we both graduate."

"Chill, Darien.  Life goes on."

"Oh please.  Marriages are easier to get out of than this mess you've gotten us into."

"Give me a break, Darien Chiba!  I wrote a lousy article, did my job to the best of my abilities.  So it inflamed a few students.  So what?  You're the reason our names are linked.  Why'd you have to write that letter to the editor anyways?"

"One, you did not inflame a few students.  You've riled the entire student body.  There hasn't been this much commotion at Keio since Hiroshima!  Two, I wrote the letter because you presented a skewed view, and I felt someone had to correct it since you obviously weren't going to."

"Look, you shouldn't have written the letter if you're going to be peevish about notoriety.  Besides, we're talking about a college paper, and to be perfectly frank, college students aren't exactly known for their lengthy attention span."

"Maybe not, but they've been fascinated with Sailor Moon and Tuxedo Mask for an ungodly amount of time and that doesn't seem to be waning.  As long as those two are around making news, we're going to be at the foremost of everyone's brain."

"Works in my favor.  Every journalist should gain some infamy during their tenure; I guess I'm early."

"Works for you!  That's all you can say?  Serena, I'm a physicist!  We don't gain infamy; we're suppose to gain respectability."

"So?  Like it's my fault you're in a staid profession?"

Darien groaned.  This conversation was getting him nothing except a pounding headache.  Talking to Serena was like repeated pounding your head against a very thick brick wall.  Sooner or later, your head will crack, but the wall remains untouched.  "Whatever happened to that sweet girl that used to be considerate of everyone's feelings?"

"You seem to have a very selective memory, Darien, because as I remember it, that girl was forever tormented by you and had about as much consideration for your feelings as you had for hers."

Darien groaned again.  The pounding in his head increased tenfold, and he felt as if someone had taken a sledgehammer to his cranium.  "I'm going to hang-up this phone and go have a very stiff drink.  Good-bye, Serena."

"Good-bye, Darien.  But do remember to not drink too much.  I wouldn't mind it so much if my husband got drunk, but as you said, this attachment of ours is significantly harder to get out of than any marriage."

Darien hung up the phone to the sounds of laughter echoing in his ears.

He had acquired a fondness for his spars with her via time, completely disregarding the fact that even the blackest of days receive a rosy hue when seen through the lenses of the past.  Having spoken to Serena recently, his world had just snapped back into focus.

However, to say that this new view disregarded Serena would be wrong.  He was more obsessed than ever, wanted to mesh the laughing teenager with the charmingly witty woman into a cohesive whole.

That wasn't to say that he was happy about the entire ordeal.  After all, he was a physicist.  Obsessions, feelings, anything intangible such as those did not connect well with his clockwork universe.  In short, Darien was having a minor crisis within himself.

Not wanting to further this shadow cast over his life, Darien resolved to confront Serena and possibly rid himself of her presence in his mind forever.  Unfortunately, fate had other plans.

Serena's world, unlike Darien's, was rosier than ever.  She had finally turned the tables on her childhood nemesis, and her latest assignment had taken her five kilometers outside of Tokyo to a ravishingly beautiful hydroponics garden.  Wandering amidst the roses, she pulled out her camera to take a few pictures of the incredible feat of science and art.  However, a strange little glowing rock stopped her movements.

"What the…?"

Turning around, she saw a strange little gnome-like creature; in its hands were more of the green rocks that hit her hand and almost injured her precious camera.

"Oh, you've got to be kidding me!  Sailor Moon is based in Tokyo, you little freak, five kilometers back that way!  Did you take a random wrong turn somewhere?  There's maybe ten people situated around here if you're lucky.  Whose energy are you going to steal here?!"

She groaned.  What energy could the Negaverse possibly obtained from these hydroponics chambers?  Sometimes these monsters were just too damned stupid for their own good.

Rolling her eyes, Serena prepared to transform.  Fate had other plans.

"The ruination of nature cannot hold.  Your punishment is at hand!"

Much to Serena's astonishment, behind her stood Tuxedo Mask, the man who she had once loved, once hated and currently peeved at.

Her jaw dropped.

"You're kidding me.  He never gets here on time.  Ever."

But he was there, standing on top of rather large hydroponics chamber and smiling down at her with that simultaneously condescending and caring smirk.  Serena's hand moved to her head, wondering if she would find her own head once the hand was in position.  She did.  Not only that but she also found her camera.

"Well, might as well take a few pictures.  If they don't come out, then I really need to see a doctor since my delusions are a little too wild to take in stride.  And if they come out, well…they probably won't come out."

Three hours later she was out of film and yet the delusion hadn't ended.

Tuxedo Mask shot one last rose toward the gnome-creature.  The rose flew true, and the gnome turned toward him.  It blink.  Tuxedo Mask turned wide-eyes toward the monster and blinked.  Serena faced both and her mouth plummeted.

The monster had turned to dust.

"Perhaps that proves my competence, milady."  Tuxedo Mask bowed and left.  His cloak rustling in the wind.  His rich laughter echoing throughout the entire greenhouse.

"Huh.  Never heard him laugh before.  Sounds a lot like Darien."

Darien was thrilled!  Surely that last confrontation proved Tuxedo Mask in her eyes again.  She had to write a retraction now.  After his defeat of that Negaverse monster, without Sailor Moon no less, Serena had to acknowledge that Tuxedo Mask was more than a minor grain of sand in the grand scheme of things.  Sure, the entire thing was a fluke, but unless she was Sailor Moon, Serena couldn't possibly know that.

Of course he still had to confront her as Darien Chiba.  She would expect it of him, and it would be too far out of character for him not to push something like this in her face, for him to accede to victory lightly.

He'd just have to let her stew in anger for a few days.  After all, it would be unlikely for the news of the battle to get to Darien Chiba so quickly; he was neither participant or viewer.  In a few days, however, Darien would get revenge, and it would be sweet because Serena never admits to being wrong, not to him.

Three days later, Serena had finally obtained some time in the dark room.  She was finally going to find out if the events three days past were real or delusions.  Having obtained the negatives for the rolls of film a day prior, she had chosen one peculiar picture to develop into a larger size.

Setting the enlarger timer, her breathing was jerky as her nervousness began to overtake her body.  Counting the seconds, time seemed to pass slower than usual.  However, moments later, the photographic paper was removed and slipped into the tray of chemicals.

Piece by piece, the picture show itself, revealing a very familiar picture of someone who looked strangely like…

"Hey, Serena.  Are you in here?"

Strangely like him!  "Darien?  What're you doing here?"

"I wanted to talk to you.  In person and not on the phone like that last ordeal of a conversation we had before."

"Yes.  Funny since I was looking for you, too."  She smiled sweetly, a saccharine induced grin that should have roused Darien's protective senses.  "I've got a picture I want you to see.  I took it a little while ago, and since it turned out pretty well, I wanted to show it to you.  Come here."

Darien shrugged, finding it a bit odd that Serena should want to show him anything more than the upside of her fist but found nothing wrong with the request.  Walking over to tray he looked down only to have the surprise of short life.

The picture was one of him, or rather, of Tuxedo Mask.  Caught mid-turn, the domino mask he usually wore was reduced to little more than a faint white line on film.  The result was a rather flattering profile of Darien himself.

"So tell me, Darien.  Did you ever plan on telling anyone that you moonlight as the masked hero of every woman's dreams?"

He blinked.

"How sweet!  You have nothing to say.  Well, I have a few choice words for you, Darien."  At this, Darien finally noticed the banked fires flaring to life in her eyes.  Panicked, he started praying to any deity who happened to be listening.  Heaven help those who cannot help themselves.

"You know, I can't believe I spent all those years in love with you!  You, of all people!  I mean, some women are just too dumb to breathe!  First I had a crush on Tuxedo Mask.  Then when that finally died out, I found myself attracted to you!  Then it alternated back to Tux-boy!  Oh god…I'm too dumb to breathe.  I don't believe this.  All those wasted teenage years were spent on a crush on you!  Oh god…"

"Serena…"

"Shut up!  I'm not done yet.  Now, as if it wasn't bad enough that I spent so much of my brief life crushing on you, I actually thought you, or at least your alter-ego, a good man.  If only I had realize that you were such an ass…if only I had realized that before I alternated back to this damned attraction to you again.  Oh god…I really am too dumb to breathe."

"But…"

"Look, I'm still not done.  Just shush!  What is with you and that mouth of yours?  Can't you ever control it?  I mean, it keeps going and going and going.  Is that just a me thing?  No one I've ever spoken to ever said anything about you being such a talker, but then, all the women I know thinks you're God's gift to mankind!  I grant them their delusions, but do you have to play the part of the 'tall, dark, and handsome' man so well?  You sure don't do that to me!

Why don't you, by the way?  I know I'm not exactly the prettiest girl alive, but I've always thought that I was somewhat beautiful.  I've dated men more handsome than you who were reduced to mush thanks to me!  But no, not you!  Oh no.  You're nice and charming to even the beggar down the street, but I'm apparently the source of all your hate.  Is that it?  Is that how you're so nice to everyone?  Am I just the lonely receiver of all your abject and miserable emotions so that you can be Prince Charming for everyone else?

Good grief!  Find a girlfriend for that.  That's what they do; they deal with your darker emotions so the rest of us mortals don't have to!"

"But…"

"Quiet!  Stop talking.  What part of that don't you understand?  You just keep talking and insulting me, and I'm tired of it.  So you're going to be damned quiet until I finish.  Capise?"

"Sure?"

"Shush!  I said don't talk.  Good grief; do you even listen to me at all?  You certainly don't in battle.  But at least you take me somewhat seriously in battle.  What is it with you anyways?  Have I and my alter-ego done something to you in a past life?  I mean, you're a complete jerk to me, and as for Sailor Moon, you're colder than winter in the Artic.

But I know you can be nice.  In fact, sometimes you're far too charming for your own good!  All my friends think so.  All my friends' friends think so.  To them, you're the greatest thing since…since sliced bread, whatever that means.

Is there something about me you don't like?  My hair can't be bugging you that badly!  Am I too skinny or something?  Too perky?  Too short?  Eyes too blue?  My personality too vile?  What?  What do you think is so wrong with me that you feel justify in treating me worse than the lowest of amoebas?"

Darien blinked, fascinated.  She hadn't taken a breath in two full minutes.  She just kept going and going and going, like that pink Energizer bunny in those American commercials he just saw in class.  Yeah, she was a lot like that stupid pink bunny, all energy and not enough time.

But she looked a lot like a volcano just about now, turning this cute pink hue and fires flaring in her eyes.  Of course, if he didn't stop her soon, she might just blow up like a volcano, too.  And that's bad.  If this burst was an indication of things to come, then he's in for some huge trouble.

But he didn't know how to deal with angry females.  They usually fell at his feet, and his biggest trouble was usually in getting out of their clutches.  What was he supposed to do?

"Are you even listening to me, Darien?  What are you thinking?  Pay atten…"

Her words were suddenly muffled.  Not knowing what else to do, Darien decided on the oldest methods of all time – if you can't shut her up, kiss her senseless.  But the little voices in his head wouldn't leave him alone.

'Darien, you do realize what she said earlier?'

'She said a lot of things.  I wasn't paying attention.'

'Oh god…I can't believe I'm stuck being your brain, of all people.  You idiot, she said she was Sailor Moon!'

Darien stopped.  "You're Sailor Moon?"

Serena blinked.  "Of course I'm Sailor Moon, you idiot!  If I wasn't, how on earth would a college newspaper get an interview with Japan's biggest hero?  Are you stupid?  Or did you brain just shut off completely?  I mean, a college news…"

Obviously he didn't render her senseless enough if she was going to continue ranting so he started again, this time determined to render at least speechless if not senseless.

'Darien, she's Sailor Moon.'

'So?  We'll deal with that later.  She's going to start ranting again if I stop.'

'She also said she's oscillated back to being attracted to you.'

'I'll deal with that later, too.  Much later when she's more conducive to idea that I have an unholy obsession with her an her alter ego.'

'She also said…'

'Be quiet!  She was right.  I really do talk too much.  In this case, though, that would be bad.  She'll start talking again if I don't pay more attention.'

'…'


End file.
